NERD!

In episode 1F07 of The Simpsons ("The Last Temptation of Homer," for you laymen), Bart has a sudden convergence of health problems that necessitate several changes in his physical appearance - thick glasses to combat lazy eye, orthopedic shoes to correct fallen arches, heavy medicated salve to sooth his itchy scalp. At school the next day Bart doesn't understand why he is suddenly an object of ridicule (Sherri and Terri: "Nice glasses, four-eyes!" Nelson: "Yeah, nice shoes, uh…two-feet."). He catches a glimpse of himself reflected in Milhouse's glasses and gasps, "I'm a nerd!" It then switches to Milhouse's point of view as he sees his own reflection in Bart's glasses and realizes in horror, "So am I!"

Like Milhouse, I never really considered myself a nerd, despite the overwhelming evidence visible to outside observers. However, there comes a point where the body of evidence makes it hard to argue otherwise. I submit to the court several previous blog topics: Setting video game records, Monty Python, Battlestar Galactica, Final Fantasy, dressing up like Buffy characters, origami, Jonathan Coulton, and referring to Simpsons episodes by their production code number. I rest my case.

In many of those selfsame posts I wrote a little disclaimer saying something like, "Yikes, this makes me sound like such a nerd." I just saw myself as a normal, cool guy who on occasion innocently dabbled in a few nerdy pursuits. However, I had a Milhouse-like moment of clarity on Thursday night as I donned my Harry Potter costume before heading out for the midnight showing of the new Potter movie. As I gazed in the mirror to check the magic marker scar on my forhead I thought, "I am almost thirty years old and I'm wearing a costume to a midnight screening of a fantasy movie. There's no other way to spin this, Bri - you're a straight-up nerd."

I had planned to meet up with friends down at the theater before the show, so I drove alone down to the mall around 10:30. The mall was still busy when I got there, with lots of folks hiking across the parking lot with big shopping bags. I have rarely felt so self-conscious in my life as when I emerged from my car, in my flowing cape and novelty glasses, and made the long, lonely walk across the parking lot . I was sure that scads of teenage hooligans were going to pop out from behind a parked car and yell "NERD!" at me.

I felt more comfortable among the costumed masses inside the sanctuary of the theater. I met my friends, some of whom were also dressed up*, and we passed the time until midnight by playing games and answering arcane Harry Potter trivia questions. Good, nerdy fun.

*I'm not implicating anyone else in my nerdhood. I'll leave it to each individual to draw their own conclusions.

On the way out of the theater, no sooner had I parted ways with my friends on route to my car when a woman in a "KATU 2 News"-branded jacket shoved a microphone in my face. She liked my costume and asked me about it. In that very public moment I could no long cage my inner nerd. "Can I just interject that I am nearly thirty years old and I'm dressed up like Harry Potter," I interjected, "Such a nerd, right?"

She interviewed me for a good long two minutes. I had some funny riffs (one about my incongruous beard) and gave her some really good material. The interview consisted of more than just me accepting my nerdiness - as an amateur film scholar, I provided I offered up some thoughtful analysis of the film's themes and technical accomplishments (well, that's kinda nerdy too, isn't it?).

The next day I watched the news at noon and 5 p.m., but the Harry Potter segment never ran. They probably played it on the 5 a.m. news, but I didn't get home from the movie until 3:30 so me getting up to watch it that early was not going to happen. I also have not been able to find the interview on the KATU 2 website or anywhere else on the internet.

That interview may have vanished into the ether, but it still stands as my nerd coming-out moment. Remember that big list of so-called "nerdy" subjects from earlier in the post? Guess what - all that stuff is really awesome. So if a nerd is someone who doesn't suppress his or her enthusiasm for awesome stuff, count me in. I'm a nerd.

P.S. - Nerdy words used in this post: convergence, orthopedic, selfsame, scads, arcane, incongruous, ether.