SSSN: Sesame Street Saturday Night (Live!)

SESAME STREET SATURDAY NIGHT

This special Sesame Street Saturday Night edition is brought to you by the letter "C." As in "C is for Cookie." Cookie Monster is following in the footsteps of Betty White, who wrestled her way onto Saturday Night Live through a Facebook fan campaign. Like White, Cookie Monster would totally walk away from the experience with an Emmy.

I've never proselytized for an online campaign before, but this is just plain fun and I thought that those of you out there that like my Sesame Street Tuesday posts might want to jump on board. To join the cause, watch the video, then jump on Facebook and like the "Cookie Monster should host Saturday Night Live!" group.



Seeing this clip makes me feel prescient for putting Cookie Monster and SNL veteran Tracy Morgan (aka Tracy Jordan) together to do a sketch in my 30 Rock spec script for my TV Writing class. I knew there was a sketch comedian inside Cookie Monster waiting to burst out.

NERD!

In episode 1F07 of The Simpsons ("The Last Temptation of Homer," for you laymen), Bart has a sudden convergence of health problems that necessitate several changes in his physical appearance - thick glasses to combat lazy eye, orthopedic shoes to correct fallen arches, heavy medicated salve to sooth his itchy scalp. At school the next day Bart doesn't understand why he is suddenly an object of ridicule (Sherri and Terri: "Nice glasses, four-eyes!" Nelson: "Yeah, nice shoes, uh…two-feet."). He catches a glimpse of himself reflected in Milhouse's glasses and gasps, "I'm a nerd!" It then switches to Milhouse's point of view as he sees his own reflection in Bart's glasses and realizes in horror, "So am I!"

Like Milhouse, I never really considered myself a nerd, despite the overwhelming evidence visible to outside observers. However, there comes a point where the body of evidence makes it hard to argue otherwise. I submit to the court several previous blog topics: Setting video game records, Monty Python, Battlestar Galactica, Final Fantasy, dressing up like Buffy characters, origami, Jonathan Coulton, and referring to Simpsons episodes by their production code number. I rest my case.

In many of those selfsame posts I wrote a little disclaimer saying something like, "Yikes, this makes me sound like such a nerd." I just saw myself as a normal, cool guy who on occasion innocently dabbled in a few nerdy pursuits. However, I had a Milhouse-like moment of clarity on Thursday night as I donned my Harry Potter costume before heading out for the midnight showing of the new Potter movie. As I gazed in the mirror to check the magic marker scar on my forhead I thought, "I am almost thirty years old and I'm wearing a costume to a midnight screening of a fantasy movie. There's no other way to spin this, Bri - you're a straight-up nerd."

I had planned to meet up with friends down at the theater before the show, so I drove alone down to the mall around 10:30. The mall was still busy when I got there, with lots of folks hiking across the parking lot with big shopping bags. I have rarely felt so self-conscious in my life as when I emerged from my car, in my flowing cape and novelty glasses, and made the long, lonely walk across the parking lot . I was sure that scads of teenage hooligans were going to pop out from behind a parked car and yell "NERD!" at me.

I felt more comfortable among the costumed masses inside the sanctuary of the theater. I met my friends, some of whom were also dressed up*, and we passed the time until midnight by playing games and answering arcane Harry Potter trivia questions. Good, nerdy fun.

*I'm not implicating anyone else in my nerdhood. I'll leave it to each individual to draw their own conclusions.

On the way out of the theater, no sooner had I parted ways with my friends on route to my car when a woman in a "KATU 2 News"-branded jacket shoved a microphone in my face. She liked my costume and asked me about it. In that very public moment I could no long cage my inner nerd. "Can I just interject that I am nearly thirty years old and I'm dressed up like Harry Potter," I interjected, "Such a nerd, right?"

She interviewed me for a good long two minutes. I had some funny riffs (one about my incongruous beard) and gave her some really good material. The interview consisted of more than just me accepting my nerdiness - as an amateur film scholar, I provided I offered up some thoughtful analysis of the film's themes and technical accomplishments (well, that's kinda nerdy too, isn't it?).

The next day I watched the news at noon and 5 p.m., but the Harry Potter segment never ran. They probably played it on the 5 a.m. news, but I didn't get home from the movie until 3:30 so me getting up to watch it that early was not going to happen. I also have not been able to find the interview on the KATU 2 website or anywhere else on the internet.

That interview may have vanished into the ether, but it still stands as my nerd coming-out moment. Remember that big list of so-called "nerdy" subjects from earlier in the post? Guess what - all that stuff is really awesome. So if a nerd is someone who doesn't suppress his or her enthusiasm for awesome stuff, count me in. I'm a nerd.

P.S. - Nerdy words used in this post: convergence, orthopedic, selfsame, scads, arcane, incongruous, ether.

Scenes from the LA Job Search: The Hip-Hop Mogul

One of the first job ads that I responded to in L.A. was for a call center where they do telephone surveys. You know, the people who call you up all like, "Hello, this is some guy from some place on behalf of some thing. We're not selling anything, but wanted to ask you a few questions about some issue. Would you care to participate?"

I had worked extensively in call centers when I was an undergrad and I wasn't especially thrilled to go back, but this particular ad mentioned that they needed fluent Portuguese speakers to conduct surveys in Portuguese. I thought that sounded fun, plus it paid double the normal rate.

So I applied and got invited to the training session. They told me to dress 'business casual' so I wore a nice button-up shirt and slacks. However, I got there and everyone else was wearing ragged flannel shirts and holey jeans. Plus, I was the only one there without visible tattoos or an eyebrow piercing or two. During the training they had us go around the room and take turns reading from a manual, and half of the people in the room either couldn't read or had to slowly sound out the words. Needless to say, I felt out of place.

At the beginning of the training, they made everyone introduce themselves - name, where you're from, hobbies - and this one kid in the back stands up for his turn. He reminded me of Jeffrey from season three of Project Runway (seen on right) - in a black t-shirt with a swooping neck to better show off his chest and neck tattoos, plus three or four studs on each earlobe. He says his name is Jordan, from L.A., and that he is a professional musician.

During the training they gave us a ten minute break, during which time I thought it would be interesting to talk to Jordan, us both being musicians and all. Below I have transcribed our conversation nearly word for word (well, as accurately as I could remember after three months). And since it happened in L.A., I wrote the scene out in screenplay format.

*****

FADE IN:

EXT. CALL CENTER MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY

BRIAN emerges from the automatic sliding doors into the harsh afternoon sunlight. The entrance is lined by several date palms and there are several concrete benches. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he spies JORDAN leaning against the wall behind a bench, texting. Brian approaches him slowly.

BRIAN
(politely)
Hey. So, it's Jordan, right?

JORDAN
(not looking up from his phone)
Huh? Oh, yeah.

BRIAN
Sorry, but I heard you say in there
that you are a musician?

JORDAN
(still looking at phone)
Yeah, I'm a record producer.

BRIAN
(surprised)
Yeah? That's pretty cool. I do some music too.

JORDAN
(putting away phone)
Yeah? I'm pretty huge. I work with
50 Cent, Diddy, Tupac. I just finished
making some beats for Kanye.

BRIAN
(Dubious)
Oh yeah? I heard his album is dropping
pretty soon? Did you work on that?

JORDAN
Yeah... the beats I gave him are a little too
forward-looking - a little too hot, you know?
It'll probably go unreleased.

BRIAN
Yeah, I know how that goes. So... since you're a
big hip-hop producer, what are you doing at a
call center training session?

JORDAN
You know, my talents keep getting disrespected
by the industry so I'm starting my own
studio and I need to buy all the equipment.

BRIAN
Like what kind of stuff?

JORDAN
Oh, like software. I have mastered over 2,000
music programs and I need to buy all those. Plus
like, amps and stuff.

BRIAN
Whoa. 2,ooo programs sounds expensive.

JORDAN
Yeah it is ai't. And this is one of the few
high-paying jobs that will take 16 year-olds.

BRIAN
(stunned)
Wait, you're 16?

JORDAN
Yeah bro.

BRIAN
Shouldn't you be in school right now?

JORDAN
(incredulous)
Dude, you think I'd have any cred if I went to school?
No man, I was out of there like two years ago.

BRIAN
Yeah. Right. That's deadly.
(checking the time)
Maybe we should get back?

JORDAN
I'll be right there. I'm just gonna
go light up real fast.

BRIAN
(backing away)
Yeah bro, I'll let 'em know you're coming.

Brian crosses away and heads back inside through the sliding glass doors as Jordan pulls out his lighter.

FADE OUT.

*****
Epilogue:

Jordan never came back inside to finish the training, so I'll never know if there was any truth to his claims. It does seem rather doubtful or several reasons, one being that Jordan was only two years old when Tupac was murdered. (However, six Tupac albums have been released posthumously using recorded scraps he left behind, so I suppose he theoretically could have worked on one of those projects.)

As for me, I finished the training, during which time there was no mention of foreign language speakers. Afterwards I asked the supervisor about doing Portuguese calls and he said that when I came in for my first shift they would put me on Portuguese calls. I came in for my first shift and the supervisor didn't know what I was talking about. Long story short, I worked there for three days before learning that there were no Portuguese calls to be made. I was getting paid the normal, crappy rate and they only let me work four hour shifts, which did not justify the long, gas-consuming drive. So, back to the job search.

SST: Let's Sing a Song About J

SESAME STREET TUESDAY

Though I don't regret putting a Road Runner cartoon on my blog, I do feel like it was an SST cop-out. So even though it's an off week, I'm giving you a Sesame Street fix. This clip is a favorite of my sister Emily and she recently pulled it out to teach my four year-old nephew Trevor about the letter J. I had somehow never heard it before, but it's fun and catchy and worth sharing:



Hopefully 'J' will soon stand for 'Job'.

P.S. - When I started writing this post (circa five minutes ago): no rain. Now: much rain. Welcome to the Northwest. But I actually kind of like rain. Snow is my real enemy and it doesn't get snowy here, so I think it will be a nice winter.

P.P.S. - In the time that it took me to find the links for that last paragraph, it stopped raining.

Bri-Yo: Full-Time Uncle

When I left Michigan, I was fond of saying that I was going "Grapes of Wrath" style. That is, I was putting all of my belongings in my car and heading to California in the hopes of finding a job and starting a new life. Well, I can report that my experience ended a lot better than The Grapes of Wrath did (I'm not on the run because I killed a policeman, I didn't resort to getting nourishment from the breastmilk of a mother of a stillborn child, etc.) but it has in fact ended.

When I moved in with my sister and her family in the beginning of August, I only intended to stay for a month or two at the very most, during which time I would secure employment and find an apartment of my own. The L.A. job search turned out to be a lot bleaker than I imagined (I might still blog about some of my more colorful job-hunting misadventures), and after three months I found myself with neither a job nor the means to pay expensive Southern California rent. Meanwhile, little baby Jack is now over two months old and it's about time to move him out of the bassinet in his parents' room and into his own room, a.k.a. the room where I was staying. All in all, it was time to move on.

Fortunately, I have another sister who volunteered to let me temporarily stay with her in Portland, where the job market is a lot more friendly and rent is a lot more reasonable. I've been in Oregon for a week now, and in that short time I've noticed a completely different atmosphere here. Every person I've talked to about my employment situation has given me the names of three or four people I should contact and/or information about some great resource of which I wasn't aware. I did meet some useful people in California (most notably my sister and her husband) but nothing like what I've experienced here so far in just a week. It's encouraging and I'm optimistic that something will come through.

Looking back on my three months in California, it would be very easy to label it an outright failure. I didn't get a job or my own place and I had a notable lack of a social life. However, the lack of activity on the job and social front resulted in a tremendous amount of time spent purely being an uncle.

A shot with all the kids (one in the background) plus sister Amy at Zuma Beach

On my watch as resident full-time uncle I watched Jacob (who just turned 7 last week) play his first season of soccer, start piano lessons, and start the first grade. I probably spent the most time with 4-year old Allison, since she has yet to start school and she doesn't go down for a nap in the afternoon. I saw her start her very first dance classes, and we passed many afternoons singing Primary songs with my guitar ("I Am a Child of God" and "Here Comes the Ox-Cart" are her favorite Primary jams). When I got to Moorpark, 2 1/2-year old Gideon was speaking strictly in two word, but by the time I left he was stringing together big sentences ("Didin's. Fav'rite. Animal. Ghost." was my favorite oft-repeated phrase - read: "Gideon's favorite animal goats.") And of course, I was there for the birth and blessing of baby Jack.

There were a lot of tears when I left, both the kids' and my own, but I told them that they were letting the Hacking Family in Portland have their turn with Bri-Yo (the Omer kids' nickname for me). I feel so blessed to get to know a new set of nephews (no nieces this time), but hopefully this time it won't be my only gig. The kids all just said their bedtime prayers (except Sam, the 4 month-old) and asked that I might get a job, so that's a good start.

Road Runner Tuesday

I'm preempting Sesame Street Tuesday this week in favor of a new favorite I introduced to the Omer kids - Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner:



This stuff just kills me. The end result (that everything the Coyote tries will backfire) is never in doubt, but I love the endlessly inventive ways that Chuck Jones et al. play around with logic and the laws of physics to hit us with constant surprises. This short contains my all-time favorite Coyote gag: at the 4:33 mark we get this elaborate setup that builds our expectations for an equally elaborate payoff, but instead the punchline is just thrown away and we move on to the next gag, all within a span of about ten seconds. Genius.

It makes me a little sad every time that I discover that my nieces and nephews are completely unaware of something that I consider to be timeless and wonderful, such as Road Runner cartoons. The world is so flooded with content and information that it can be very difficult to dig through it all and uncover something like a sixty year-old cartoon, especially when you're six and you don't even know what to look for. As an uncle, I get a lot of satisfaction out of giving them a little nudge, and that is the same impulse that lead to the establishment of Sesame Street Tuesday in the first place.

However, it's inevitable that some things that are timeless and of high quality will eventually be repackaged in a 21st Century-friendly format (whether the new version is any good is a different question). My sister Emily told me that she took her son Dallin to see Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, before which they played a brand new CG Road Runner cartoon*. He was cracking up all during the short, and when he got home afterward he didn't say a word about Cats & Dogs, but couldn't stop talking about the Coyote and the Road Runner. Hopefully that small taste will lead him to the classic 2D originals (which are easier to see now than ever thanks to the internet).

Happy Tuesday - Meep meep!

* It is reported that several other upcoming kids movies (Yogi Bear, Happy Feet 2, The Jetsons**) will have new Road Runner cartoons.
** Yet another example of the old being made new.

Obliquely Christmas

A week before Halloween I wandered into Goodwill and got sucker punched - Premature Christmas Music Attack!!! My two immediate reactions:

1) "Why would Goodwill so brazenly preempt Halloween, since the Halloween costume and decoration season has got to be a bonanza for them?"
2) "Alright Bri, brace yourself for the coming onslaught of cheesy Christmas music."

I'm not a big fan of Christmas music. Not all Christmas music - I think the Christmas songs in the Primary Songbook are wonderful, and I do enjoy singing well done choral arrangements of Christmas carols (especially if the carols are a little off the beaten path). No, I'm talking about the corny, drippy stuff heard in stores and on those corny "Lite FM" stations. I would be just fine if I never heard another pop singer's schmaltzy take on "The Little Drummer Boy," nor the insipid synthesizer adventures of Mannheim Steamroller.

Back in June, as I was crossing items off my Michigan bucket list, I took a day trip up to Frankenmuth to one of Michigan's top tourist attractions: Bronner's Christmas Store. It's the largest Christmas store in the world (think Cabela's, but with all kinds of crazy Christmas decorations) and I knew that by entering therein I would be inundated with cutesy Christmas music, so before the trip I created a musical antidote in the form of a playlist.

Named "Obliquely Christmas," the playlist consists mostly of non-Christmas songs that just happen to make a passing reference to the holiday. For example, The Kinks' song extols the virtues of Australia, where "we'll surf like they do in the USA/we'll fly down to Sydney for a holiday, on sunny Christmas Day." Belle & Sebastian boast that "I don't love anything/not even Christmas." Brazilian singer Seu Jorge throws in the phrase "Feliz Natal" ("Merry Christmas") for no apparent reason.*

*The song "Rebel Rebel" is a bossa nova-style cover of a David Bowie classic, but Bowie's English-language original makes no mention of Christmas.

However, there are a few songs on the playlist that feature Christmas a little more prominently, but have some kind of twist. The Flaming Lips see the holiday as an opportunity to set the animals free at the zoo. Jonathan Coulton's "Chiron Beta Prime" is written in the form of an annual Christmas letter from a family that has been enslaved in a robot work camp on an asteroid.

So for those of you who, like me, cringe whenever entering a drugstore or supermarket during the Christmas season, I present "Obliquely Christmas**":

**Here are two more songs that I couldn't find in the playlist.com library:
• "Rael" - A mini-rock opera by The Who about a holy war in the fictitious kingdom of Rael
• "Seasonal Sweaters" - Marpizan (Homestar Runner's sometime girlfriend) pays tribute to Christmas knitwear

This playlist is currently very small and I'd love to expand it. If you can think of any other obliquely Christmas-related songs to add to it, gimme your suggestions in the comments.

P.S. - I've never heard Sufjan Steven's Christmas album. Any thoughts about it?